Assertiveness – Meaning, Skills and Communication

Assertiveness in daily life

Assertiveness is a tool for expressing oneself confidently and a way of saying yes or no in an appropriate way. It is considered as a healthy behavior for all people against personal powerlessness and results in personal empowerment. Assertiveness is an attitude of defending your rights without hurting those of others. It is courageous to be ourselves and to show our world our likes, dislikes, our thoughts and feelings, and shortcomings.

This is about communicating honestly with friends, family, and colleagues. As we become more assertive we drop our masks and show our true self. We proclaim ” This is who I am; This is what I feel, and These are my needs”. Have you ever struggles to ask for what you wanted? It doesn’t feel good. That is why assertiveness is so important.

In The Article


Assertiveness in Daily Life

Why is it so important to be assertive in your daily life?

Because it boosts up your self-confidence. The way you speak to others and the way you deal with outside world will be completely transformed. When you are assertive, you show confidence, empathy and compassion. Aggressiveness is based on winning. They talk over others and interrupt. They speak loudly and intimidates by using expressions. They consider own feelings or make demand of others. They control groups.

You are assertive when you express your needs calmly and confidently without forcing them on others. Assertiveness is sometimes confused with aggression but that is very much different. Assertiveness is based on balance. It means considering your rights and needs as well as others rights and needs. When you are assertive, you show confidence, empathy, and compassion.

Aggressiveness is based on winning. They talk over others and interrupt. They speak loudly and intimidates by using expressions. They consider own feelings or make a demand of others. They control groups.

10 Facts About Assertive Behaviors:

  1. Way of expressing yourself
  2. Showing respect to others rights
  3. Being honest
  4. Indirect and certain
  5. Mutual equilibrium and benefit is important in relationship
  6. Expressing emotions, rights, and thoughts
  7. Not universal. It depends on the position and individual
  8. Having social responsibility
  9. Not a nature of humankind but can be learned
  10. Using nonverbal communication for sending a message.


Assertiveness at Work

An assertive person speaks up openly. He uses a good conversational tone and make good eye contact. He shows expression with matches the messages. He participates in groups and try to hurt no one including self. He usually reaches goals without hurting others.
A passive person is afraid to speak up. A passive person speaks softly and avoids looking at people. He shows little or no expressions. He isolates self from groups. He hurts self to avoid hurting others. He does not reach goals and may not even know goals.

What is Assertiveness at Work?

  1. Being assertive is focusing on goals.
  2. Being assertive is being self-aware
  3. Being assertive is being true to yourself
  4. Being assertive is building self-esteem
  5. Being assertive is nurturing yourself
  6. Being assertive is showing your rights and others rights

Assertiveness and Success at Work:

We can say it is the first step to success. The person has won life if he is assertive. Those people who have assertiveness at work, school, and in their daily life always appear on top of the world. Everything seems to go right for these people and they always seem to present themselves as calm, collected and successful in everything they do.

People who are assertive seem to be successful in whatever they do. Do you think assertive people are smarter or they have money or they are lucky? None of these things are true. These are totally false. Assertive people rely on their own abilities and they are much smarter than anybody else.

If you want to be assertive stay away from negative vibes and surround yourself with positive people. This will make a great change in your life. If you are assertive you will do things differently. You will feel confident.

The denotation of assertiveness isThe belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities. Not all people are assertive.

  1. When you are with a group of people, it is important to listen to what others talk and to reply back with being assertive. For example, if you are with a group of friends what you have to do is, to listen to what others talk carefully. Observe them. After observing them and knowing what they want you should talk about what you want. But it should not be negative or against their opinion.
  2. You must have a positive attitude towards life. So express your views in such a way that others are not affected by what you talk.
  3. Most importantly consider others opinion and views. It is a good attitude to consider other opinion and views.

By being like this, you will further develop confidence towards life. Once your confidence level goes high there is nothing in the world that is stronger than you. You can express yourself without any fear in front of huge and large groups as well. You will not get nervous or be afraid of anything. So it is very important for everybody to build confidence and be assertive through your life. There is nothing to be worried about. There is nothing to be scared about. So being assertive is the best way to live life.


Passive, Aggressive And Assertive Persons

You can learn assertiveness just like any other skill. Start by realizing that your rights, thoughts and feelings and needs are valid and important.Use statements like I want, I need and I feel. At the same time, let the other person know you understand how he or she might feel about the situation too.


Benefits of Being Assertive

Here are the benefits of being more assertive:

  1. Feeling more confident
  2. Being able to relax more
  3. Having greater awareness of one’s need and a greater ability to meet them
  4. Being able to create personal and professional goals instead of putting everyone else and getting distracted.
  5. Assertive people are in control of their actions.
  6. They choose their battles
  7. Use power properly without stepping
  8. They are more likely to find win-win situations
  9. They are empowered and self-confident
  10. They solve problems more effectively.
  11. It improves your interpersonal skills and boost self-confidence.
  12. They have the right to say no
  13. They are treated with respect
  14. They express needs, feelings, thoughts, and ideas.
  15. They are proud of their accomplishments
  16. It helps to disagree in a respectful manner

Tips To Be More Assertive:

  1. Assertiveness is being fortnight about your needs and wants while considering the needs and wants of others. So Point Out The Behaviour
  2. Your rights, feelings, and needs are just important as everyone else. So Explain How The Behavior Affects You.
  3. If others get upset because you are being assertive, don’t fall into the trap of accepting the responsibility of their emotion. You can only control yourself. So State What You Need to Happen.


Direct and Indirect Aggression


Assertiveness Questionnaire

You have to fill in the questionnaire and see the results:

Give Score

1  – if you feel very uncomfortable
2  – if you feel slightly uncomfortable
3  – if you feel reasonably comfortable
4  – if you feel very comfortable

Question ENTER 1,2,3, OR 4
Expressing anger  when you are angry
Discussing another person’s criticism of you openly with them/
Speaking up in front of a group
When you tell a friend that something they are doing is bothering you
Talking to a stranger
Asking a favor of someone
When you change the request for meeting or date
Either getting fear or ignorance
Refusing a friend favor when you don’t want to do it
Saying no to someone which is hard and need tactics to say no
If you argue with another person
When you touch a friend or a colleague
When you return a defective item from a stock
While you accept criticism


Personal Assertive Rights

Practice the following, especially those rights that seem hardest to accept.

  1. What I do and think, I have the right to do
  2. No reason or excuses for the behavior
  3. I have the right to refuse to be responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems
  4. I can change my mind because I have the right
  5. I make mistakes and I have the right to do
  6. I can say” I don’t know” because I have the right
  7. I have the right to make my own decisions.
  8. I have the right to say ‘No’ when I want to say no.

Saying No To Others:

Some people find a hard time to say no because they think that the other person may brand them as rude. So they are not willing to open their mouth to say no. Instead, they nod their heads for whatever others tell them. But always saying yes regardless of what you want in this case you turn to be like a door mat. The best way to say no is to say NO without fear.

Strategies For Saying No:

  1. Use assertive body posture
  2. Accept the consequences
  3. Don’t wait for acceptance
  4. The broken record technique
  5. Strength your position
  6. Don’t ask permission to say no
  7. Wait for the question
  8. Decide on your wording
  9. Don’t defend yourself
  10. Don’t apologize when it isn’t necessary


Assertiveness and Communication

1. Have confident body language

Body language can go a long way in making you appear and feel confident. If you want to have confident body language, here’s what you should do

      • Have great posture
      • Avoid slouching
      • Don’t fidget with your hands
      • Avoid pacing around too much
      • Look ahead of you instead of down at the floor
      • Keep your face and body relaxed

 2. Expect to be nervous

Even experienced speakers get nervous. Don’t try to eliminate your jitters. Turn them into energy you can use to boost your delivery.

3. Don’t just be loud

Men sometimes confuse speaking with assertiveness as speaking loudly.  While speaking loud enough to be heard is important, what matters even more that volume is your pitch and cadence (cadence is basically the rhythm of your voice).  Maintaining a low, steady tone of voice is a surefire way to sound more assertive.

4. Knowing your objective and your audience

Before starting to prepare, you need to think about the audience and what you hope to achieve by giving a particular speech to them. Remember the objective means” what would you like your audience to know or do or feel after the speech”? For small groups, come up with suitable objectives for the following speeches. You are introducing the keynote speaker at the college entitled” the changing role of women in the USA. You are giving a 5-minute speech about a member of your staff who is retiring after 35 years of service. You are participating in the discussion on the radio about the need for young people to do more volunteer work in the community. After setting your objectives, you need to know what sort of audience will be listening to your speech.


Effective Public Speaking By Being Assertive

You can show your assertiveness when you are speaking in front of the audience. Think about the audience and your aim. Use mind maps or writes out words and key sentences rather than a complete script. Practice in front of the mirror, friends, and members of your family. Speak clearly; don’t speak too quietly or too quickly. Use pauses for dramatic effect. Vary the speed of your speech. Don’t speak in a monotone. Don’t read your notes. Speak to your audience instead. Stress your keywords. Use intensifying adverbs to emphasize a point.

Organizing Your Ideas:

You should, of course, be well prepared whenever you are speaking. Often people panic and write their entire speech out in long hand and memorizes it.

However, when you are speaking publicly, you should try to create a spontaneous feel even if you are well rehearsed. One way you can do this is by creating simple and usable mind maps that include trigger words. Trigger words act like a starter and from looking at a single word the speaker is able to elaborate it further with an example.

Rhetorical questions:

Ask your audience questions that you yourself will answer. Use gestures that reflect your words but don’t fling your arms around with purpose. Use a controlled movement.


Assertiveness Vs Others

Assertiveness Vs Dental:


Assertiveness and denial are different because denial means refusal to satisfy a request, refusal to admit the truth or reality of something. On the other hand, assertiveness is different. It is about considering other people views and able to express oneself views effectively.

Assertiveness Vs Defensiveness:


Defensiveness is the quality of being anxious to challenge or avoid criticism. On the other hand, Assertiveness is an attitude towards life.

Assertiveness Vs Destructive Criticism:



Criticism is performed with an intention to harm someone. But assertiveness will not harm anybody.

1 reviews

GeethaIman 2 year ago

What is Assertiveness?